"Call Him , he is Dying"

                                                                     

                                                                 "Call Him, he is Dying"

Grandfather left "Spain died", he was not my favorite, he did not love me and I loved him with pain, like the bastard grandson. Then Grandma, the most beloved, the softest, the pillow, the hot milk and the very light coffee, the beautiful nose, and the very black hair, she left, she left and her emptiness was never filled. She took Grandpa, my dear grandfather, the most upright man I have ever met in my life, good to the point of absurdity, proper, precise, proud, "Tango fan", studied, brave, wrong, rediscovered, lost, saved in faith, and died in the physical body for pain and disease. My Grandmother left, "Spain died again", Flamenco, Rancheras, living beauty, the most beautiful woman, the most lived, the most suffered, the separated, the single, the married, the widow, the sane, the crazy, the one who was looking for peace, the powerful one in spiritual talents, the orphan of a son, the Vilomah mother. 

They left, and the pain repeats itself, it stays there, and it doesn't go away. When it seems that your heart calmed down, one day you remember them, and you suffer, you cry and you drown in pain. You don't want to suffer. They don't want you to suffer. That's what you think. As you swallow your tears and your throat close up. Your chest hurts and your head explodes. But you must be strong. You are a man and you must show strength, you are supposed to be cold and show no emotions, because you are a  Man, and because you are  "Different".

Then comes the day-to-day. And you wait to see what happens. Will your parents go first? Or for some irony of life, you will leave this earth first. You do not know. But it will indeed happen. Who will it be? Dad? Or mom? Thinking about it terrifies you, hurts you, it overwhelms you. but you know what will happen They are still there, alive. And you want to think that it will never happen. It will happen and now it is not going to be only you who will suffer and overcome the moment, not the pain. You have to be strong for your children. Because they also have to learn to suffer, without dying, so that they survive your death. And at the same time, your unborn grandchildren learn from them. When it's your turn to leave. And they have to swallow their tears and suffer your departure.

We have more than "Pain and Hope". We have more than the illusion of thinking that they had a full life. That despite their humanity they did what they thought was best. They were wrong, they hurt us, their pain hurt us, it hurt us that our pain hurt them, that they suffered our defeats and tears.

We only have one thing left. Hope to see them again. We will see them again when God decides. We have faith that God in his mercy will allow us to see them. Will we be aware that they are there? Will they know that we lived from that illusion? Do we walk in the paths necessary to be able to see them, see God? Are we deserving of the Grace of seeing God in the first place and our loved ones in the same place?

I don't know. After drying the tears and calming my mind, the only thing I have left is Faith which becomes Hope.

                                           "My God, Dear God, have mercy on Us,  your Children"