✨ Prayer

✨ Prayer  

By Felix Perez Cuza – Florida, July 22, 2025

A man kneeling in light, by Felix Perez Cuza"`

 🛏️ Loneliness  

Loneliness. Lying in a bed. Not alone. In a house. Surrounded by nothing. I feel it pressing on my chest. That strange weight that reminds me—hopes are just thorn-covered products born from hollow words. Words from someone else. Someone who, in their own loneliness, screams for me not to leave them.

 🙏 Faith in the silence

I tell myself I’m not alone. I say it with faith. I repeat it, sometimes doubting my own sanity. I know God is with me. I believe it. And yet... I struggle to admit that even in His presence, I feel alone. Not seeing the shadow of His presence makes me question everything. Even my mind.

 💭 The spiral of anxiety  

This loneliness writes itself into my anxiety. Into the abuse of a thought so filthy it feels impossible to escape. I find myself begging that invisible God to bring back the pain that once made me feel safe. The twisted comfort of heartbreak. The company of agony.

❓ Questions I can’t answer  

So I ask myself—what now? What’s the reason? What do I do? Where do I look? Where can I hide from my own existence? Where do I find myself, just to keep myself company? To stop feeling this pressure in my chest. This absence of life. This fear of leaving without ever finding beauty.

🧠 My mind, my enemy

No, it’s not demons. It’s my own mind. Playing games with my lack of love. My lack of focus. My lack of peace. Peace... where are you? Where are you, my God, that I can’t see you? What’s the plan? The gray hairs are winning this battle, and I still don’t see the way out.

 🎶 The rituals I cling to  

I lie to myself—tomorrow will be better. I play calming music to sleep. But the thoughts come anyway. Who am I fooling? When will I take my last breath? What will happen to my children? My plans? My life?

🌬️ Breathing between sighs  

Oh life. I yawn and deny. I complain about what I have. I know I should be grateful. I know I’m blessed. Mercy gives me one more breath. That breath becomes minutes. And the days pass. I listen to self-help audios. I search for God. And I know—most likely—after a spiritual high, I’ll feel empty again. Alone again.

 ❄️ Time slips away  

Life moves on. And mine, so hollow, feels like the years piled up in the blink of a sigh. Like thoughts crashing into each other. I’m aware that anxiety is eating me alive. I’m filling up with snow. With weariness. I spit sadness when I try to love. And my pain blinds me to the truth—that every breath I take is with me. That my loneliness is surrounded by my own thoughts.

🔥 The ache of longing  

Madness. Stress. Lust. Faith. Interrupted sighs. Silent cries. And I wonder—how do people suffer for something they’ve never had? Something they don’t even know?

🌟 A soul reaching for light  

The thought stretches on. No, it’s not madness. It’s a soul desperate to find peace. To find the path to light. To finally leave the tunnel. And maybe—just maybe—whatever life I have left, I can live it without retracing my steps. I can look forward with hope. With faith. And when I say, “My God, thank you for all your blessings,” I’ll know. He’s there. I’ll see Him. I’ll feel Him. And I won’t be alone anymore.

🙌 Amen